Tis' the season..

For most people the Christmas season is all about stress.

Stress about buying gifts
Stress about having money to buy those gifts
Stress about where to eat
Stress about who to eat with
Stress about what eat
Stress about who is giving you a gift
Stress about who you are giving gifts to..

and of course much much more. As stress about Christmas is different for everyone.

I am glad to say that the stress I have been through this year was my choice. I did not have to stress about getting gifts for people because I just made people food. I did not have to stress about money because I had my bonus check and that was my saving grace. I eat with the same people every year and for the most part we eat the same things every year. I give the gift of food to anyone who I see either before, during or after the holiday season.

I was a little bummed to not have that "significant" other to have around for the holidays, BUT on the lighter note I am getting to see past lovers, friends, family and this year i have met quite a few new people. This holiday season has been the best ever and I don't remember the last time I felt this happy about life.

I have so many people who I am going to get to see before the end of this year and that fills me with joy.

At any rate, I am happier this year and then I have been in a long while. but I guess this about wraps it up for the moment..


To you and yours, happy holidays

It's been awhile..

Wow, it's been a while since I actually looked at this blogging website. I signed up for this a very long time ago; so long ago in fact that I forgot I had it.

Currently I find myself falling asleep in my bed every night wishing I had a place to write my thoughts down. A place to call my own and a place to get my inner most thoughts out. More often then not I do NOT know what is going through my head or how I am feeling until i put it on paper. So here I am...... putting it on paper (so to speak)

I do not know what I will write. I do not know who will read this. I do not know if I will even tel the truth to myself. All I know is that I have thoughts that need to be released..... but until then... I'm out.

The Other Boleyn Girl

Note: If you haven't seen the movie.. dont read this.. I don't want to ruin it for you!

If one lie can ruin a country... even a white lie can destroy a relationship.

I spent the first few hours of my 21st birthday watching "The Other Boleyn Girl" it was truly amazing and riveting. While watching this movie I was so very intrigued by the way Natalie Portman carried herself. She is an amazing actress and very convincing in her roles. I could really feel her emotion of being scared for losing her 2nd child and her pain in being queen, not satisfiying her king. I can only imagine how painful it was back during those times. To be so afraid of her husband (the king) that she felt the need to bare child with her brother (only to have both parties back out) was amazing to me. Sadly enough having her brother killed for her fears seemed far more extreme then she had ever planned.

If this had been a real documentary on actual events then I would be in awe of woman who came from something much smaller grew to take over a mans heart and in turn "changed the face of England forever" However ONLY through her manipulation, jealousy, anger and lust was she able to become the Queen. It wasn't because she was the right fit or that she had the purest of hearts. She knew what she had to do to get what she wanted.... and that she did. Granted what she wanted turned out to be the very life she had before the lies and manipulation.

I know that I am supposed to be feeling mad at Natalie Portmen for being the manipulative bitch that she was in the movie. I can't though, I just simply can't. I love her character and I love that she is so fucking sneaky. Fucking brilliant! Her mind is vast in deception and I wouldn't exactly say that I admire that, but she turns it into an art form. It is truly amazing that one woman can take over that much power over years.

OK.. its 4:27a... I am officially 21.. and I am OFFICIALLY tired... night night

Married Life..

I having been thinking about this for the past month.

Marriage.... what does it mean?

I have come to the conclusion that the idea of marriage is a hoax. It is a society driven task that when not filled by a certain time those who are not married are looked down upon or are made to feel like they do not"fit in." It is no longer about two people coming together for life just because they love each other.

Some of you know about my recent past and some of you don't. For those of you who don't... i'm not going to fill you in. If you really want to know, ask me in a month from now. For those of you who DO know what I am talking about... my thoughts toward marriage have changed greatly. I am realizing more and more that there is no such thing as a "perfect family." There is just you and the person you bare a family with. It doesn't matter how happy you think you are... your spouse may be cheating on you. Then what? Through recent discovery I have also learned that people who "love" their spouse will still try to cheat on them. I DO NOT UNDERSTAND THIS..

So if someone can please explain it to me that would be great... Thanks.


I am sure that when I "meet the man of my dreams" who plans to sweep me off of my feet and show me what is it to be loved, my thoughts will change. For now they remain in the sense that you can never be to trusting or too comfortable or even too happy.

Re-Fucking-Dick-U-Lous

Better Luck Next Time