03 November 2010

turtle meet your shell

I've been trying to convince myself to start blogging again for the past couple of months.

I'm not sure what exactly made me stop, but it's been so hard to start up again.

I feel like writing is such a necessary part of my life; an escape for my mind to wonder on. Lately I have been so "in my head" if you will. So many thoughts, questions, feelings and such.

Why is it so hard for me to express what I am trying to feel?

As a note to others:

If you are trying to date me, don't.

This whole fresh out of a relationship thing is taking a weird toll on me and my life. I thought that since the breakup was my idea that things would be ok, that I had disconnected myself enough to realize that I was better off without. However the result has been that I really just miss being in a relationship, being in love, having butterflies from kissing that one person who I love more than anything.

I crave security, love, attention and passion.

It just doesn't be something that I can actually have right now.

To those who read this thinking, "I could provide her with that.." Maybe you can, maybe you can't, but i don't want to end up hurting your feelings in the end because I don't come around. Or worse (for me) getting attached to you, only to find out that you deem it not worth the work that goes into loving me.

*le sigh*

I really hope i come out of this funk soon.

I just want to have fun, be happy, have awesome experiences and memories that i can take with me through the rest of my life.

Is that too much to ask for?

1 comment:

  1. Almost sounds like you're putting yourself under pressure, that you feel as if you should be in a relationship.

    Chill, you don't have to date if you don't want to. Be single for a while, be single for a long time! There's nothing wrong in that.

    If you meet someone you like a lot, you will know, and then you will decide to get into a relationship with them.

    Don't feel as if you're under pressure, if you don't feel comfortable with a particular guy, then you're not right for each other.

    People expect to find THE one, the ONLY one that is for them, they think that one will be the only one they will find in their life.

    It hurts like hell when you realise you can't have the one you want, or that you do have them and it falls apart, but eventually those feelings do subside, but it takes time.

    And you will experience those butterflies again sometime, when the time is right, when you've found the right person.

    You need to have someone you connect with on a friendly, personal level, but I feel you also need someone to connect with on a sexual level.
    We all have different tastes, and, I believe ideally, we need to be compatible on both those levels, personally, sexually.

    I have found ladies that I connect with on an intellectual level, that I have loved personally, but the sexual connection wasn't right, and then I've also found the converse, but it's hard to find a partner that can deliver both.


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Or email me directly at ashton@ashtonmiyako.com