Stressing.. but it's a good stress, I think.

Today is Fashion Feud and I only have a few things to say:

This morning I woke up and put my underwear on inside out. It is now 1:08p.m. and the first real moment I've had a chance to pee, which is when I discovered the proof that I was rushing this morning.

My head is pounding from lack of water, food and sleep... the basic needs that keep me alive.

Tonight I am due to be on stage for a design competition against a friend of mine, Alex Von Bromssen. Although I am super excited to participate in this event, I find it hard to believe that I will be going again the woman who was named, '2009's Best Fashion Designer" (Oh and by the way I modeled for her in that show) I have been designing for a little over a year now, I've done 2 photo sessions, have had zero runway shows with my designs and have had only a handful of people actually see my work. Yet here I am, 5 hours away from setting up my stuff on stage to go head to head on designing a garment on stage in less than an hour.

I have no doubt that Alex will win but it would be so amazing for ME to win. To actually have the underdog get what they want in the real life. This isn't Hollywood where when you fall from a cliff to sudden death you gently land on a foam pad. No.. noo.. kids that's not my reality here. If I break down and cry on stage, oh that will make it into the newspaper and I will be laughed off stage, so let's pretend like I have emotions of steel and I'm not going to let anything break me down.

*sigh* I know that in the end I am doing this for myself and for no one else. It doesn't really matter if I win or lose, just that I took the first step in fulfilling my dream of becoming a fashion designer. I would like to think that my parents, sisters, extended family (i.e. friends), boyfriend and his family believe in me and are proud of me for taking this giant leap of faith.

Either/or, wish me luck and cross you toes, I know that I need it!!

-Ashton Miyako

p.s.... I'm not going to school for this anymore. There has to be a way to make it on my own. I can take lesson from my friends. I don't need to pay 137,000 to go to a Fashion Design school.... boo..